Ripple Effects
by XenaLives
Summary: Another installment following the lives of Paige and Emily from Wrong About You and Wrong About You, Too. This one picks up a few weeks later and explores the emotional and psychological fallout from their ordeal in the previous stories. You should really read them first or this will make little sense (and, anyway, why wouldn't you want to read them?).
1. Chapter 1

Paige sat bolt upright in bed, eyes unfocused, heartbeat pounding wildly. She hugged her knees to her chest and worked, for several minutes, to slow her breathing. When she returned her chaotic thoughts to some semblance of order she turned on the bedside light and scowled at the mess of bedding. She was drenched in sweat as were the sheets. The dream, when it came, was the same every time, filled with darkness, pain and fear. And every time she woke up and followed her well worn routine. Breathing exercises to calm her mind and slow her heart rate. Change into a fresh t-shirt and strip her bed. She kept a stack of clean sheets in the armchair in her room now so she wouldn't wake her parents rummaging through the linen closet in the middle of the night.

It had been three weeks since Jeremy Mott and Elaine Winthrop had kidnapped her and Emily and terrorized them in his father's hunting cabin. Three weeks since Jeremy had injured her and thrown her in a pond with the intent of killing her and, instead, perishing himself. Her physical injuries were well on their way to healed. It seemed though the emotional and psychological ones were still festering. She convinced herself it didn't matter, that this would pass and heal on it's own.

She kept the nightmares and anxiety to herself. She couldn't bear the thought of being worried about anymore. The stress her parents had been under to take time off work when she came home from the hospital and Emily's constant concerned look. Emily made a point to tell her, every chance she got, how amazed she was at her strength. Paige was determined to live up to Emily's belief in her. She completed her post nightmare ritual, switched off the light and crawled back into bed. She lay awake until her alarm went off to wake her for school.

* * *

Paige trudged up the stairs to the entrance to school. She was a million miles away and walked right past a grinning Emily who had been standing on the steps waiting to be noticed. So lost in her own thoughts she didn't see her girlfriends face fall and frown in worry.

"Paige?" Emily called out and reached for her arm to stop her.

Paige felt a hand grip her arm and, reflexively, whirled setting her feet apart, eyes wide as if preparing for confrontation.

Emily jerked her hand back in alarm. "Hey." She said tentatively. "It's just me."

Paige focused on her. "Hey, Em." She said. "Sorry, I didn't realized you were there."

"Yeah, no kidding." Emily studied her. "Are you okay? You look tired."

"Um, yeah, I'm fine." Paige stepped toward her and wrapped her arms around her waist. "I just have a lot on my mind."

Emily returned her embrace and leaned in to place a lingering kiss on her lips. "Thinking about your big day?"

Paige stared confused. "Big day?" She asked.

Emily looked concerned again. "Aren't you getting back in the pool today?"

"Right." Paige breathed. "Yes, the doc said I can swim again." She took Emily's hand and walked with her into the building. "Not competitively, of course...not for a while yet." She finished.

"But still." Emily squeezed her hand. "You must be so excited." Her face dropped a little. "I know I would be."

Paige returned her squeeze and stopped them to turn and look her in the eye. "It will be your turn soon, Em. Believe it."

Emily took a breath and pushed away the disappointment at still not being able to swim at watching her dream of a college scholarship slip away with every day she couldn't be back in the pool. She was happy for Paige and wanted to show her support. "Well, until then I'm going to live vicariously through you. What time are you hitting the pool?"

"What? You're going to come?" They had reached Paige's locker and she stopped and looked at Emily surprised. "And watch me struggle through a handful of laps. That doesn't sound like very much fun."

Emily grasped Paige's face in both her hands and planted a firm kiss on her lips. "I wouldn't miss it."

Paige grinned at her like a fool. "It's a date, then." She looked away for a minute checking her internal schedule. "I have a make-up Spanish exam from when I was out right after school so say 4:00?"

"I'll be there." Emily assured.. "Lunch today?" She offered.

"I can't" Paige said disappointedly. "English make-up exam."

"Boooo." Emily feigned a pout. "See you after school then." She kissed her again and headed to her locker.

Paige watched her walk away, a goofy smile on her face, unashamedly admiring the swing of her hips.

"Busted!" Someone whispered in her ear.

Paige jumped and turned to see Hanna at her elbow. She hadn't even heard her come up.

"You know." Hanna continued with a laugh. "It's illegal to look at a woman like that in some countries."

Paige blushed furiously and turned to her locker to collect her books for the day. The first bell rang some time ago. "Yeah?" She replied, playing along. "Which countries?"

Hanna shrugged with a twinkle in her eyes. "Not this one, clearly, or you'd be in trouble." Hanna couldn't resist teasing her. "But, hey, I totally get it. I mean, I have eyes. Emily is something else…."

Paige heard Hanna speak the familiar sentence. Almost the same thing Jeremy Mott said about Emily when he was hurting her, when he had his hands on her, taunting Paige in the cabin. Whatever else Hanna was saying got lost in the buzzing in her head. The memory started to smother her and she put her hand to her chest feeling like she couldn't breathe.

The second bell rang and all the students still in the hallway slammed their lockers closed in rapid fire succession all around her. Paige jumped and closed her eyes tightly, panic overwhelming her she covered her ears with her hands to block the metal clanging and quiet the buzzing.

"Paige?" Hanna reached out and gripped her arm. "Paige? Holy shit, are you alright?"

Paige came back to herself with a start. "What?" She asked confused. She dropped her arms and stared at Hanna. "What were you saying?"

Hanna stared at her wide eyed. "What the hell was that?" She asked a little breathless. "You totally just had like a seizure or something."

Paige gave her head a shake. "What?" She laughed. "That's crazy. I'm fine." She grabbed up her bag and headed to her first class. "See ya, Hanna." She called over her shoulder.

Hanna stood and watched her go. "I don't know about fine but you got the crazy part right." She muttered to herself.

* * *

Author's Note: So, I usually have a pretty good idea where a story is headed before I publish anything. I'm taking a bit of a chance with this one, though. I have several chapters written but no clear endgame. I just feel the desire to continue on with the narrative I've created. I promise, though, I won't abandon it. It's in there but it's taking a while to tease it out.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily, Spencer, Aria and Hanna sat in the cafeteria for lunch. Finally, it seemed as if things were returning to normal. Or, as normal as things ever were for them.

After the events at the cabin which, despite being kept as quiet as possible the entire school knew about, the hallways were aflame with gossip and rumors for weeks. Some of it close to the truth but most of it was absurd to the point of comical. It was difficult when Emily and Spencer returned to school. Everyone, it seemed, either whispered behind their backs as they walked by or suddenly wanted to be friends.

It didn't take long for interest to die down only to be rekindled a week later when Paige returned to school. For the first week Paige was skittish and uncertain. She clung tightly to Emily's hand when they walked through the halls. Paige, who normally kept as low a profile as possible, had suddenly been elevated to celebrity status. Eventually, too, the novelty wore off as fresh scandals proved more interesting fodder for the rumor mill.

Now, Emily could sit in the cafeteria with her friends and not worry about who was staring, whispering or asking inappropriate questions. Mostly, though, she was happy that Paige was getting healthy again. She could walk with her head held high and seeing her smile again made Emily's heart soar. They seemed like such small things but, after everything she had been through, they were huge.

The girls chatted amiably about nothing throughout lunch. Hanna was uncharacteristically quiet opening her mouth to speak several times only to close it again with a shake of her head and go back to poking at her salad.

Finally she spoke. "Where's Paige today?" She looked at Emily.

"Um." Emily looked up startled at the sound of Hanna's voice. "English make-up exam. She missed a lot while she was out."

"Hmmm." Was all Hanna replied.

Aria and Spencer looked at her with interest. "What's going on with you, Han?" Spencer asked.

Hanna glanced at her friend but directed her questions back to Emily. "Did you talk to her today?"

Emily frowned at her. "Yes. Why?"

Hanna fiddled with her plastic fork. "Did she seem alright to you?"

Emily put her fork down and stared hard at Hanna. "What is this about?"

"Yeah, Hanna, what's going on?" Aria chimed in.

Hanna squirmed a little in her seat. "It's just that…" She squirmed a little more. "...I was talking to her this morning...and she seemed...it was like…." She stammered unsure what to say.

"Oh, for the love of God." Spencer barked. "Spit it out, Hanna."

Hanna looked annoyingly at Spencer and took a deep breath. "She seemed to have like a fit or something."

"An fit?" Emily frowned. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know. It was just like we were talking and she got really far away." Hanna tried to explain.

"Like lost in thought?" Aria offered.

"Bigger than that. Like a flashback or something." Hanna gave a little shudder. "It was a little scary, actually, but afterward...I don't know...it was like she didn't even realize it had happened." Hanna was frustrated with her own words and wished she could express herself better.

Spencer and Emily shared a concerned look. They had shared many concerned looks and conversations about Paige over the last several weeks. At first, surrounding the mystery of who was terrorizing her. There was the attack at the pool, a cheating scandal, poisoning and a bike accident all leading up to the kidnapping and the violence she and Emily had endured at the hands of Jeremy Mott and Elaine Winthrop. Jeremy had died in the attempt on Paige's life and Elaine was in prison. It had been weeks since then and Paige had been fine, albeit recovering from painful injuries.

"I talked to her this morning." Emily thought back to their conversation. "She seemed distracted but I thought it was just about getting the all clear to get back in the pool."

"She's swimming again?" Aria piped up. "That's great!"

"Yeah." Emily smiled. "Today. I'm going along for moral support."

Spencer wasn't so convinced Hanna's description of their conversation could be explained away so easily. "Em, she saw someone after the attack, right?"

"Yeah." Emily took a breath. "She hadn't talked about this in a while. "After the truth came out about what Jeremy and Elaine had done to Paige Principal Hackett called the Stanford coach to explain that Paige hadn't cheated on her calculus exam . They wanted to make sure she was okay so they sent someone from the university out to talk to with her for a couple of weeks."

"Someone who?" Aria asked.

"A sports psychologist, maybe?" Emily was unsure as Paige hadn't spoken much about it.

"Protecting their investment more like." Spencer snarked.

Emily didn't like the direction the conversation was headed. They had been through so much these last weeks and she didn't want to go borrowing trouble. "Look, I'm sure it's nothing. I appreciate you looking out for her, Han, it's really sweet, but I think she's okay."

Emily squeezed Hanna's arm and beamed at her. She loved that her friends had finally accepted Paige. After Paige, essentially, sacrificed herself to save Emily the girls had really circled the wagons around her and made sure she had everything she needed for her recovery. "I'll see her later today at the pool and make sure it's all good."

Hanna smiled back because she didn't want to alarm Emily but she knew what she saw this morning and was pretty sure Paige was anything but okay. "Mind if I tag along?"


	3. Chapter 3

Paige's body virtually hummed with excitement at getting back in the pool. She dressed carefully, adjusting the straps of her Speedo, making sure all her hair was tucked under her cap and her goggles were tight but not too tight. She was trying not to get her hopes up. Her recovery from two cracked ribs, among other less serious injurious, had been slow and painful. She had been stretching and doing light pilates for the past week as okayed by her doctor but nothing came close to the physical satisfaction of swimming. She just didn't want to be disappointed if she couldn't do as much as she wanted. She slipped into her swim parka and headed out.

She pushed open the door from the locker room to the pool to find Emily and Hanna leaning against the wall waiting for her. "Hey, you two." She greeted Emily with a kiss Hanna with a smile.

Emily beamed at her. "How do you feel?"

"Ahh...I'm good." Paige shrugged. She didn't really want Emily making such a big deal out of it. Or anyone, for that matter which is why she chose a day to come back when she knew the team would be on the road for a meet and she would have the pool all to herself. "You really didn't have to come. I'm just going to paddle around for a bit."

Emily linked arms with her and walked her to the benches behind the starting blocks, Hanna trailing behind. She gave Paige a quick kiss. "There's nowhere I'd rather be." Emily dropped onto the bench and Hanna joined her.

Paige let her parka drop to the deck where she stood and slipped into the water without a splash. She adjusted her goggles over her eyes and kicked off the wall into a slow freestyle. She immediately felt her muscles tighten up and her ribs ached dully. She maintained a slow, easy pace and, gradually, her muscles loosened and warmed comfortably with the motion.

Emily watched her complete a few slow freestyle laps then switch to breaststroke after ten minutes. As Paige kicked off the wall again with no sign of stopping Emily let out a deep breath she didn't realized she'd been holding.

"What was that for?" Hanna asked.

"What was what?" Emily asked never taking her eyes off the water.

Hanna nudged her in the side. "That ginormous sigh of relief?" She clarified.

Emily looked at her friend. "I don't know. I was just worried, I guess."

Hanna nodded in understanding and gripped Emily's hand. "I'm really glad you're okay, Em." She smiled. "Both of you."

Before Emily could respond Paige poked her head out of the water at the edge, supporting herself with her arms on the deck, and grinned like a kid on christmas morning. "Hey. Not too bad, right?"

"You look great!" Emily answered honestly. "Are you ready to go? You probably shouldn't overdo it."

"Mmm...just a few more minutes." Paige dropped back into the water. "I want to try some fly."

Emily rose off the bench. She didn't think swimming butterfly was a good idea with not quite healed cracked ribs. Before she could protest Paige was already gone.

Paige whipped her arms and shoulders out of the water and dragged in a breath. Before she was quite halfway through a length she realized jumping into the fly was a mistake. Not one to quit, though, she at least wanted to complete one length. Then she could call it a day. She dolphin kicked and rotated her arms and shoulders for another stroke. As she brought her arms and shoulders out of the water she felt a sharp pain in her ribs that stopped her short. Instead of breath of air she took in a mouthful of water.

Paige stopped the stroke and righted herself in the water coughing and spluttering. She gripped her aching side and her heart hammered wildly in her chest as a buzzing started in her ears growing louder.

Emily watched as Paige started to struggle halfway across. She ran to the side of the pool calling her name. "Paige! Paige! That's enough. Come to the side." Emily motioned her over.

Paige couldn't hear Emily calling to her and remained where she was, treading water and looking around frantically like she didn't know where she was or she had lost something. The buzzing in her ears turned to roaring and she covered her ears with her hands to try and block out the noise. "Where are you?" She screamed. "I can't find you!" She rotated her body around in the water with just her legs.

Emily froze, unsure what to do. Paige didn't seem to be in immediate danger but she was clearly having some kind of panic attack. She kicked off her shoes ready to get her out if she needed to but she didn't want to make things worse for her if she went into the water and panicked her further. She dropped to her knees onto the deck and extended her arm as far as she could. A couple of strokes would bring Paige to her if she could only get her attention. "Paige" She tried to remain calm. "I'm right here, honey. Can you take my hand?"

Paige whipped her head back and forth peering into the water. "Please, let me help you." She cried. "It doesn't have to be like this."

"Emily, do something!" Hanna cried worriedly from the edge.

"I don't know…" Emily's heart was racing and she needed to make a decision. "Paige!" She yelled at her again. "You're okay. You're safe. Please, just come to the side." She pleaded.

Just as suddenly as the episode started it stopped. Paige shook her head looking up at Emily, oblivious to her concern, and snapped her goggles off. "Hey." She said breathlessly. "I think fly…. was a bad idea." She side stroked over to the side and took Emily's hand allowing her to help her out of the water. Paige bent over, one hand on her knee and the other hugged tightly to her ribs. "Oh, God, that's really sore." She panted.

"Han, grab her parka." Emily motioned over to the bench and Hanna ran to retrieve it and drape it over Paige's shoulders.

Paige grunted as she straightened as much as she could. "Thanks, Hanna." She breathed.

Emily stared hard at her for a few long seconds but saw no indication that Paige had any idea what just happened. Hanna was right. Paige wasn't okay at all and she had a pretty good idea what was going on. "Paige, are you alright?"

"Umm... yeah." Paige winced a little as she slipped her arms through her parka. "I'll be fine. Nothing a little tylenol and a hot bath won't fix."

"What just happened?" She prodded trying to see how aware Paige was of the episode.

"I don't know…". She stretched her arms gingerly above her head. "I totally just over extended myself, I guess."

Emily glanced at Hanna who was standing to the side chewing her fingers nervously and she shook her head with a shrug.

Emily made an effort to sound unconcerned. "Let's get out of here."


	4. Chapter 4

Paige had changed into gray sweats and a long sleeve t-shirt. She sat against the head of her bed hugging her knees tightly to her chest. She felt anxious and tense but couldn't pin down any reason for it. The drive home with Emily had been strained. Paige couldn't help but notice Emily's extreme attentiveness. No, the temperature was fine, the station was fine, the music wasn't too loud. And the whole way home Emily seemed like she was biting her tongue on something she really wanted to say.

Something had happened at the pool today. Paige knew it, she could feel it. She had been feeling this way for a while now. Distracted and out of balance. She began to feel the anxiety building again in her chest as she waited for Emily to come back from the bathroom.

"Hey." Emily said softly as she set a bottle of Tylenol and glass of water on the bedside table. "When are your parents going to be home?"

Paige looked at the clock."Probably not until after dinner." She looked at Emily perched on the edge of the bed. "But you don't have to stay. I'm fine, really." Paige shook out a few tablets and swallowed them down with the water.

Emily was nervous. She needed Paige to hear her but she was afraid of upsetting her. At the same time she didn't want to be vague and unsure of herself. What she saw today, combined with the incident Hanna described, and the way Paige has been so jumpy and distracted lately seemed, to Emily, like classic symptoms of PTSD. With her father's career in the military she was familiar with the condition. Not that her father suffered from it but he had many friends who had. She knew heightened anxiety, aggression, flashbacks and nightmares were all common. She was sure Paige was experiencing at least some of that.

The disorder was, typically, associated with military combat service but anyone, having suffered a traumatic event, could be affected. What Paige had been through more than qualified and Emily knew she needed to get help or she would only get worse.

Emily licked her lips, her mouth suddenly going dry, and fidgeted with her hands. She wasn't sure how to do this so she just took a deep breath and barrelled in. "Paige, you've been telling me you're okay since that night at the cabin and I believed you. But you're not are you?"

Paige opened her mouth to reassure Emily that she was healing fine but she knew, to her core, she wasn't referring to her physical injuries. "Emily…" She trailed off and swallowed around the tension in her throat. The buzzing in her ears began softly and she shook her head trying to clear it.

"Don't try to deny it, Paige, please." Emily insisted. "You had a full blown panic attack or flashback or something. Hanna saw it, too."

Paige's eyes went wide, startled and the buzzing grew louder. She raised her voice over it. "What are you talking about." She said sharply.

Emily forged ahead. "In the pool. You went somewhere. You were back in the pond weren't you?" Emily reached for her but Paige backed away as much as she could and hugged her knees tighter. "Paige, I'm just-"

Paige uncoiled from her position and exploded off the bed sending Emily leaping back out of the way in shock. "You're just what?" She snapped as she stood over her. "Worried about me?" She threw her arms out to the side. "I am sick to death of hearing that!" Her eyes flashed an anger that Emily had never seen before.

Paige felt hot and her heart beat wildly in her chest. Her breath came short and hard as she turned on Emily with a rage she couldn't explain and felt helpless to control. Paige circled her room forcing Emily to spin to keep her in front of her. She covered her ears and shook her head sharply from side to side. The buzzing was intensifying and driving her mad.

"Pagie…" Emily began, her voice unsteady. She was terrified for Paige and, a little scared for herself. She needed to get Paige calm and back in the present. "...I didn't mean to upset you. I understand how you feel-".

Paige stopped pacing and whirled to face her. "You understand how I feel?" She repeated her voice razor sharp. "How could you possibly understand how I feel?"

"I was there, too, Paige." Emily tried, desperately, to remain calm. "I know what he did to you."

Paige spoke as if she hadn't even heard her. "You were her friend. More than that. You loved her!." Paige spat at her. "How could you love her when you knew she was hurting me." Paige's face twisted in pain and tears streamed down her face.

Emily took a step back and blinked stupidly. She was talking about Alison now. Not Jeremy. Emily was in way over her head. Paige needed professional help. If the trauma at the cabin had caused Paige to start reliving the pain of Alison's torments as well Emily was very afraid. Paige had confessed to Emily all the dark places she had gone emotionally during that time. Hurting herself, thoughts of suicide. Now she was associating the events with Jeremy and Elaine to what happened with Alison.

Emily was at a loss. Her heart broke as Paige stood there crying and trembling with rage. She did the only thing she could think to do. The only thing she wanted to do. Emily closed the distance between them, not giving her a chance to lash out or move away, and wrapped Paige up tightly in her arms. Paige's head bowed and her knees buckled. Emily guided them to the floor and held and rocked her as Paige sobbed desperately into her chest.

After several minutes Paige's wracking sobs subsided and she took in a few gulping breaths. Emily put a hand gently under her chin to raise her head and look at her. Her eyes were red and swollen and she looked terribly sad. She opened her mouth to speak and before she uttered a word Paige gripped the back of her head and brought her mouth down on Emily's in a bruising kiss running her hands roughly up Emily's shirt across her bare skin. Emily tried to pull away. "Paige, stop." She breathed.

Paige eyed her hungrily and pulled her close again, gripping her arms hard, breathing heavily. Emily was alarmed at the fire in Paige's eyes. She looked dark and dangerous. Not at all like herself. Emily put her hands on her shoulders and pushed her away. "Paige, stop!" She said again more forcefully unable to keep the fear out of her voice.

Paige recoiled like she had been slapped. "What the hell is this?" She asked angrily rocketing to her feet. "You're jerking me around?"

Emily stood, too, and backed up a few steps out of reach. "Paige, you don't want this. Not now." She soothed.

Paige stood, fists clenched at her sides. "Get out." She snarled.

Emily felt tears threatening behind her eyes. "Please, Paige, this isn't you." She pleaded.

Paige turned her back and covered her ears with her hands. "I said get out!." She yelled.

Emily was torn. She was so afraid for Paige, afraid to leave her like this but she knew if she stayed, it was likely to just make things worse. She turned, no longer able to hold back the tears, and fled down the stairs and out the front door. As Emily pulled away from the house she saw Paige's parents pull in the drive. She took what comfort she could knowing that Paige wouldn't be alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Emily went through the next day at school like a zombie. She looked drawn and tense, she dragged her feet through the halls and barely managed one word answers to anyone with the nerve to try and speak to to her.

She had shown up at Hanna's last night, needing to talk to someone and not trusting herself to go home. She spent hours crying and talking to Hanna about Paige. She had been so scared that night on the bank of the pond when she and Spencer had pulled Paige out of the water. She nearly died and Emily didn't think she could have survived another loss like that. Now, though, Paige was so troubled, so fractured and Emily didn't know how to help her. She felt like she was losing her again just much more slowly and she didn't know which was worse.

Emily hadn't seen Paige at school. She had waited for her out front, thought maybe she had missed her then waited for her at her locker so long she was late for first period. She tried calling her several times and got only voicemail. She left messages until she ran out of things to say. She was sick to her stomach with worry and by the time the bell signalled the end of third period Emily knew she needed to find her and make sure she was okay, even if she didn't want to talk to her.

She grabbed her bag and headed to to the parking lot. She stopped when she saw Paige's car parked right next to hers in the lot. She was here. She was okay. She even parked next to her. Emily let go of the breath she didn't know she'd be holding. She put a hand out to Paige's car. Like touching it could somehow connect them before heading back inside.

Emily didn't even bother paying for something for lunch. She knew she would never eat it. She fiddled with the bottle of water in front of her staring at the patterns the fluorescent lights made reflecting through the bottle onto the formica table. The girls made inane conversation around her. Trying to include her but not pressing. They knew what had happened but were at just as much of a loss as what to do.

Hanna couldn't take it anymore. "Have you gotten in touch with Paige?" She asked.

Emily shook her head. "But I know she's here. I saw her car." She managed.

"That's good, right?" Hanna offered. "I mean, she's okay, right?"

Emily nodded slowly. "I guess."

Spencer frowned worriedly at her friend. "Emily, tell us what we can do. We care about Paige, too." She offered gently.

Emily raised her head and looked at her friends. "I wish I knew." She answered with a sigh. "God, you should have seen her…" Emily couldn't help the tears again. She felt Aria's hand over hers. "...she's just so...broken." She finally managed.

"No, Emily." Spencer laid her hand over hers as well. "Not broken. Damaged maybe, hurting for sure, and who wouldn't be after what she's been through, but not broken." She offered a smile of encouragement.

Hanna added her hand to the pile. "We're here for you, Em. For both of you. Whatever you need."

Emily felt the support and strength of her friends flowing through her and thought, for a minute, that everything was going to be alright. She smiled at them and took a steadying breath which caught in her throat the smile falling away from her face as, over Spencer's shoulder, she saw Paige walk in.

The other girls saw Emily stiffen and stare behind them. They followed her eyes. Paige stood in the doorway eyes fixed on Emily. She looked pale, her eyes red rimmed, and her mouth tightened into a thin line. They watched as a range of emotions flickered across Paige's face. Anger, fear, longing and regret each held for an instant then cast off for the next. Paige looked away schooling her expression into one of indifference and forced a smile as she met the eyes of a table of her teammates. She cast one last look to Emily, a look of unadulterated sorrow, and joined her teammates at their table by the door.

Emily sat frozen. The noise of the cafeteria being drowned out by the unmistakable sound of her heart shattering into a million pieces. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe around the pain in her chest. It was too huge.

After everything they had been through to be together. Overcoming their fears and uncertainties. Coming out to their families and friends. All the threats they had faced. They had gotten through it all together with love, patience and trust. Emily would be damned if she was going to let this come between them now.

Through all the disappointments in Emily's life, the setbacks and the loss Paige had been there for her. Loving her and supporting her. There was no way Emily was giving up on her, on them, now. The pain she was feeling was being chipped away at by resolve and determination to see Paige through this. See her well and whole again and planning their future together.

"Emily?" Aria squeezed her hand. "What do you want to do?"

Emily inhaled sharply. She knew what she needed to do. She swiped at the tears on her face and grabbed her phone off the table. "I'm getting help. I'm calling Dr. Sullivan." She stated. She didn't turn around but she could feel Paige's eyes on her as she walked out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Emily took her apron off and hung it on her her designated hook in the kitchen of The Brew. Her shift had only been three hours but had seemed endless. She glanced at the clock. Anne Sullivan, after hearing Emily's brief description of Paige's symptoms on the phone, had readily agreed to meet with her to discuss how Paige could be helped.

Emily had a few minutes yet and took the time to make herself a cup of tea. She dropped into one of the overstuffed chairs at the back of the shop, leaning her head back and closing her eyes trying to clear her mind. She was on her third deep cleansing breath when her brief moment of silence was interrupted.

"Emily?" Anne Sullivan stood over her, a cup of coffee in her hands.

Emily jumped up startled despite the fact she had been expecting her any moment. "Dr. Sullivan, thank you so much for meeting me." She blurted.

Anne Sullivan smiled warmly. "I'm happy to." She gestured for Emily to sit back down. "You sounded pretty upset when you called." She took a chair across from her. "Before we talk, though, you need to understand that we can only have this conversation as long as Paige is not a patient of mine. When she comes to see me, and I hope she does because I think I can help her, I won't be able to talk to you about her"

Emily could feel the familiar pricking of tears behind her eyes. She fought them off with a deep breath. "I understand. I didn't know who else to call."

Dr. Sullivan looked at her with sympathy and understanding. "Tell me what happened."

Emily recounted yesterday's events leaving nothing out. Anne Sullivan had been her therapist for some time and Emily trusted her implicitly. She knew if anyone could help Paige it was her.

She listened intently, only interrupting to ask a clarifying question occasionally. When Emily finished telling her about seeing Paige in the cafeteria this afternoon. She simply nodded knowingly and sat back.

"From what you've told me." Dr. Sullivan began. "It sounds like your instincts are correct and Paige is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Which is certainly understandable given what I know about what happened to the two of you." She took a sip of what had to be pretty cold coffee by now. "It sounds like she's exhibiting some pretty classic symptoms. Heightened anxiety, flashbacks, anger and aggression. I would assume she's having nightmares as well."

Emily shrugged slightly. "If she is she's not talking to me about it." Emily sighed and sat back. "Well, she's not talking to me about anything right now."

"What I find most concerning about what you just told me though, is about Paige reliving her experiences with Alison. What she suffered at the hands of Jeremy Mott seems to really have brought to the surface some unresolved issues about that time in her life. Do you know what went on between them after they left the cabin? Because it seems to me that Paige is identifying with Jeremy on a level we can't understand, and she probably is not even aware of, which may explain why she is so angry with you. Blaming you for what happened to her three years ago. I think the key to all of this is in there."

Emily shook her head. "She never went into detail. I assumed she didn't even remember all of it…"

Whatever else Emily was going to say was cut short when Paige stalked up to the table. She glared at Emily and her eyes flicked to Dr. Sullivan. "Are you talking about me?" She snapped.

Emily jumped to her feet. "Paige…um...what are you…" She stammered. "...um...this is Dr. Anne Sullivan."

Paige's eyes never left Emily's and she visibly seethed with anger. "Yeah, your shrink, I know who she is."

Emily winced slightly at the insult but, a credit to her profession, Anne Sullivan remained seated. Paige was obviously feeling threatened and she didn't want to provoke her further by standing. "It's nice to finally meet you, Paige." She said gently.

Paige turned her glare down on her. "Because Emily has told you so much about me?" She snarked finishing the script. When neither one of them rose to her challenge Paige continued on. "I can't believe you would do this. I thought you cared about me."

Emily reached for her. "You know I do, Paige. I'm just-"

"Don't say it!" She yelled jerking back from her. "I can't believe I came here to apologize to you and you're going behind my back." She gestured to Dr. Sullivan. "Talking about me to your shrink!"

Dr. Sullivan stood now, clasping her hands in front of her. "Emily loves you very much, Paige. She came to me because she wants to know how she can help you." She produced a card from her pocket and held it out to her.

"Are you kidding me?" She snatched the card out of her hand. "You know how you can help? You can mind your own goddamn business!" Her face was red and pinched in anger.

"Paige!" Emily started.

"And you!" Paige turned on Emily eyes flashing. "You can stay the hell out of my life!" She turned and ran out of the shop.

"Paige, wait-" Emily called after her and made a move to follow.

Dr. Sullivan moved to block her path. "Emily, let her go."

"But she's-" Emily was confused.

"It's okay." Dr. Sullivan motioned for Emily to sit back down. "She won't be able to talk to you like that anyway."

Emily sank back into her chair dropping her head in her hands. "Oh, my, God." She groaned. "I've made such a mess of things."

Dr. Sullivan sat down on the edge of her seat so she could reach her. She placed a comforting hand on Emily's knee. "You did the right thing, Emily. I know I can help Paige and I know she wants to get help. She's just scared right now."

Emily looked at her in disbelief. "What exactly about what just happened makes you think that."

Dr. Sullivan gave her a small, knowing smile. "She took my card."

Emily blinked a few times letting the meaning of that sink in. She breathed out slowly. "What do I do now? Should I talk to her parents?"

Dr. Sullivan considered for a moment. "Why don't you give me her home number. I'll call her parents."

Emily looked surprised. "You could do that?"

"Yes, I can do that." she smiled. "I'll let them know what happened tonight. That I ran into their daughter and I have some concerns." She thought for a moment. "Do I have your permission to tell them you are a patient of mine? It might help them to know how I'm connected to you."

Emily's eyes brightened. "Yes, of course. Whatever helps."

Dr. Sullivan returned her smile. "Okay. It's pretty common for people suffering like Paige is to withdraw from those that care about them and those for whom they care. Don't let it get to you. You should give Paige some space but don't go too far. Don't crowd her but make yourself available. Let her come to you. Does that make sense?"

Emily nodded.

Dr. Sullivan rose to leave. "And if you think, for even a second, that she's going to do something to hurt herself or anyone else you call me or the police right away. Day or night. Do you understand?"

Emily nodded again.

"Don't give up on her, Emily." Dr. Sullivan added.

Emily's head snapped up. "Never." She said with conviction.


	7. Chapter 7

The door flew open right as Emily raised her hand to knock. Hanna was on the other side looking impatient. "Well, how did it go?" She asked anxiously.

Emily frowned at her. "How did you know I was coming over?"

"Oh, please." Hanna grabbed her by the hand and pulled Emily into the house.

"Wait." After everything that had happened Emily was on edge and feeling prickly. "Are you saying you think I'm predictable?" She asked more sharply than she intended.

"What's wrong with that?" Hanna answered. "Predictable is safe…" She trailed off when she saw the expression on Emily's face. "I'm saying…" She squeezed Emily's hand. "...that if I had the kind of night I suspect you have then I would need a friend, too." She smiled warmly.

"Sorry." Emily's face relaxed. "I don't even know what I'm saying."

"It's okay." Hanna led the way into the kitchen. "Do you want a cup of tea?"

"That would be great." Emily perched on a chair at the kitchen island, enjoying a comfortable silence and trying to wrap her head around tonight, while Hanna busied herself with the kettle.

"So…" Hanna began. "You want to tell me about it?" She set a cup of tea in front of Emily.

"Yeah, I don't even know where to start." Emily closed her hands around the steaming mug letting her warmth crawl up her arms. "Dr. Sullivan agrees that Paige is having some pretty severe anxiety and panic attacks, flashbacks and anger. She says she can help her, though."

"That's great." Hanna slid onto the chair next to her.

"Yeah." Emily agreed half-heartedly.

"Whoa." Hanna gently mocked her. "That's the spirit."

"No, it was good." Emily explained. "Dr. Sullivan has worked with this before. She asked some really good questions and had some really good insights…" She trailed off.

"But?" Hanna prodded.

Emily sighed. "But then Paige showed up in the middle of our conversation."

"Holy shit." Hanna breathed. "Are you serious?"

"I couldn't even make that up." Emily gave a weak laugh. "Anyway, as weirdly as her brain is wired right now she's far from stupid. She knew right away who Dr. Sullivan was and suspected, rightly, that we were talking about her."

"Oh, wow." Hannna steepled her hands over her mouth. "What happened?"

"About what you would expect, I suppose." Emily shrugged. "She lost her mind. Told Dr. Sullivan to mind her own business, though she didn't say it as nicely as that, and she told me to, and I quote, stay the hell out of her life."

"Oh, Em, I'm so sorry." Hanna scooted her chair closer and placed a hand on Emily's arm. "You know Paige doesn't really mean that, right? She loves you more than anything. She's just going through a really hard time right now."

"I know." Emily nodded. "That's pretty much what Dr. Sullivan said, too and I get it. I've been doing some research online, you know, to learn more about what Paige is going through. It's just hard to hear her say that to me, after everything we've been through, and to see her pushing me away." Emily dropped her head into her hands as the weight of the day overwhelmed her.

Hanna laid her head down on her arm so they could be eye level and looked at her friend. "You know Caleb and I got off to a pretty rough start. There was a lot of hurt and a lot of accusations. We even went a little crazy…" She closed her eyes at her choice of words. "...well, not crazy...crazy...and tried to break up a couple of times. But we alway found our way back to each other."

"How?" Emily whispered.

"I even don't know sometimes." Hanna whispered back. "We were just meant to, I guess. Sometimes it seemed so impossible but we always found a way. Just like you and Paige." She reached out and brushed a lock of Emily's hair away from her face. "You two always find a way. This is no different, Em. Just hang in there."

* * *

Emily showed up to school the next day with renewed determination. Paige was already struggling and Emily knew she wouldn't be able to help her if she came apart as well. She made an effort to get some sleep, not an easy thing to do after last night, and pull herself together.

She had been wrestling this morning with Dr. Sullivan's, seemingly, contradictory advice on how to give Paige some space and make herself available to her. She didn't wait for her outside or even by her locker. She did, however, linger in the hallway with Hanna. When Paige came around the corner and their eyes met Emily, after giving her a quick once over to make sure she was okay, smiled shyly at her.

Paige looked startled, at first, then, briefly, angry before settling on confused and walking by without a word.

"Well," Hanna remarked. " that went well."

"Don't joke, Han." Emily said.

"I'm not." Hanna insisted. "She didn't yell and scream and try to hit you. That's progress, right?"

"Come on." Emily pulled on her arm. "We're going to be late for class."

* * *

By the end of the school day Emily was exhausted. Trying to stay away from the woman she loved while, at the same time, making sure she was okay and that Paige knew she was there for her was trying to say the least. She hung around for a while after school with the girls catching them up on what had been going on and letting them them pep talk her. Their support and friendship meant everything and Emily was able to draw strength from them when she felt her own resolve weakening.

She headed to her car and stopped when again she saw Paige had parked right next to her. She smiled a little to herself. The parking lot was huge and she didn't, for a second, believe that spot had been the only one available to her. Paige, whether she was even aware of it or not, was reaching out. She would take it.

Emily checked her watch. It was after 4:00. She wondered if Paige had another make-up exam. Just then a sophomore on the swim team came bounding out the side doors from the pool.

"Hey, Erin!" Emily called to her. "Have you seen Paige?"

The girl looked up at Emily and smiled. "Yeah, she was in the locker room about ten minutes ago. I think she's working out."

"Thanks." Emily dropped her keys back in her bag and turned back toward the pool.


	8. Chapter 8

Emily let the heavy metal doors close gently behind her so not to disturb those still working out or draw attention to herself. There were still a handful of lanes being used and several groups of girls milling around on the deck chatting.

One of the girls spotted her from the other side of the pool and waved and, assuming correctly that she had come looking for Paige, held up three fingers and motioned in the general direction of the middle lane.

Emily sketched a wave and mouthed a thank you though she didn't need anyone to tell her which lane Paige was in. She was as familiar with Paige's stroke as she was with her own. She watched from where she stood for a minute before noticing, when Paige turned her head to take a breath, a small sliver square clipped to the strap of her goggles. She focused on it and the next breath she took Emily could see the white earbuds in place. Paige was using the waterproof iPod Emily had given her. Emily had never seen her use it before today.

Emily wasn't sure what she was doing, how long she was going to stay, what she was going to say to her or if this was even a good idea. She just knew she missed Paige and wanted to be near her. She sat down at the bench behind the starting blocks to watch. Paige looked stronger today. Her stroke was smoother, more fluid and her pace increased from the other day. It was a good sign that Paige's physical injuries were not troubling her much any longer.

Emily sat quietly for nearly half an hour as Paige worked out. The rest of the team had left some time ago. Emily was starting to think maybe she should go, too, when Paige glided to a stop at the wall and levered herself out of the pool a few lanes down from where she sat. She plucked the earbuds out before snapping off her goggles and swim cap and shaking her hair out.

Emily held her breath trying to decide if she should wait to be noticed or make the first move. She rose and grabbed a towel off the bench and took a couple of tentative steps toward her holding the towel out. "You looked good out there." She said honestly.

Paige whipped her head up at the sound of her voice. "What are you doing here?" Paige asked cautiously but took the towel.

Emily slipped her hands into her pockets for lack of anywhere else to put them or maybe to keep herself from trying to touch her. "I don't know." She shrugged. "I just wanted to see you."

Paige narrowed her eyes at her but didn't respond. She reached for her anger and wrapped it around herself like the towel. She wouldn't let Emily see her weak.

Emily nodded to her iPod. "I've never seen you use that before."

Paige studied the device in her hand. "Music helps keep my mind off…" She stumbled for the words. "...helps keep me focused" She finished.

"What were you listening to?" Emily didn't want the conversation to end. It was the most they'd said to each other, at least civilly, in what seemed forever though she didn't need to be a trained therapist to see Paige's hurt, anger and confusion simmering near the surface.

"Imogen Heap" Paige answered.

"I don't know her." Emily was disappointed to not be able to comment on her choice of music.

Paige looked away, at her hands, at the pool, anywhere but Emily. "There's a song…" She took a deep breath and looked almost like she was going to smile for a moment. "Goodnight and Go...it reminds me of when we first…" Paige cleared her throat and ground her teeth down on whatever she was going to say. "...well, it's a good song."

"I'll check it out." Was all Emily could think to say. She wanted to ask her how she was. She wanted to ask if she'd heard from Dr. Sullivan. She wanted to ask her if she missed being together as much as she did. She wanted to ask if she could touch her. She wanted to ask her if they were going to be okay. "When can you compete again?" Was all she asked .

"Another week." Paige looked at Emily and could feel the awful weight settling down on her chest. Her heart started to race and the familiar buzzing started in her ears. Over the last couple of days she had become more aware of the signs of when the panic crept up on her. If she didn't remove herself from whatever situation it quickly turned to crippling terror and full blown flashbacks. "I have to go." She said abruptly.

Emily nodded afraid to speak. Afraid to start crying again.

Paige didn't meet her eyes again as she gathered up her gear and hurried for the locker room.

* * *

Emily lay on her bed. Her mother had called her for dinner an hour ago and she had declined saying she wasn't feeling well. That part was true, anyway, just not the way her mother assumed. She adjusted the volume on her laptop and played the song again. Imogen Heap's voice filled her room with the melody.

_Skipping beats, blushing cheeks I am struggling_

_Daydreaming bed scenes in the corner cafe_

_And then I'm left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings_

_You get me every time_

_Why d'ya have to be so cute?_

_It's impossible to ignore you_

_Must you make me laugh so much_

_It's bad enough we get along so well_

_Say goodnight and g_o

Emily had only to listen to the first few lyrics to the song to understand what Paige had been talking about. It was like it had been written for the two of them. She clung to the fact that Paige had chosen that song to swim to, that she was thinking of her, thinking of them. She had to keep believing that they were going to be alright. If not she was afraid she would break apart and blow away on the wind. The song came to an end again with the lyrics

_we'd be good, we'd be great togethe_r


	9. Chapter 9

Emily awoke with a start. It was still dark out. She was still in her clothes on top of her bedding but a blanket had been laid over her. Her mother must have come up to check on her at some point.

The clock said 5:26 am. Too early to be up and too late to try going back to sleep. She lay awake for a few minutes taking stock of herself. She felt so many different emotions, none of them particularly pleasant, it was difficult to even isolate them. She wanted to clear her mind, start fresh today. Maybe if she could get a fresh perspective things would be better.

She stripped off her clothes and slipped into her running gear. She couldn't swim but there were no restrictions on other forms of exercise. She would hit her favorite trail for an hour before school and clear her head.

The park was quiet at this hour, the parking lot empty. It was cool enough, with the sun just beginning to lighten the sky, that she could just see her breath. Emily glanced at her iPod on the passenger seat and decided against it this morning. It was so quiet and peaceful she wanted to enjoy being outside.

After a few minutes of stretches at the trailhead she headed into the park at a good pace. As her muscles warmed she could feel her shoulders start to relax and some of the tension drained from her neck and back.

Ten minutes down the trail and she was forced to stop and tie her laces. She looked up from her crouch at the sound of a small splash in the nearby reservoir which served to collect runoff from the adjacent neighborhoods after a storm. She and Paige had stopped there once on a run after Paige had challenged her to a rock skipping contest. It was difficult to claim a winner as the pond was so small the pebbles often skipped all the way to the other bank and couldn't be counted.

She assumed it was a duck or a frog. There were probably even a few decent sized fish in there. She was attending to the other shoe when she heard another splash followed by the crunch and snap of feet on the uneven ground.

Emily walked quietly down the little path that opened up at the water's edge. Her heart skipped a beat when not ten feet away from her she saw Paige winding up to throw another stone. She really put her arm into it and Emily stepped forward quickly when she heard Paige gasp and grip her side in pain at the effort.

"Hey." Emily announced herself. "Are you okay?"

Paige whirled around startled and stared at her. "Are you following me?" She accused.

"What?" Emily frowned. "No, of course not." She gestured to the trail. "I just wanted to get in a run."

Paige turned back to the water and selected another stone. She threw it more gently this time and watched as the ripples on the water expanded out. "It's amazing isn't it?" She said after the water stilled again. "How that one little pebble dropping into the water can affect so much. It can upset the whole balance of the landscape. Maybe for just a moment." She picked up another stone and threw it. "But maybe we never know if things go back to the way they were. Maybe everything is changed forever."

Emily wasn't sure if Paige was looking for an answer from her or not but she knew she wasn't really talking about the ripples in the pond. She continued throwing stones into the water as the sun slowly rose over the trees. Emily remained silent and, after a few more minutes, Paige let the stones in her hand drop to the ground but didn't turn around.

"Care to explain why my folks got a call from Dr. Sullivan?" She asked her back still to Emily.

Emily released a breath. "She wants to help you, Paige."

Paige nodded silently. "What if I don't want help?" She said finally.

Emily frowned again though Paige, with her back to her couldn't see it. "Don't you want to be well again. Don't you want things to go back to the way they were?" She asked.

Paige turned around. "What makes you think I'm not well?" She asked sharply. "Maybe things aren't suppose to go back. Maybe I'm just changed?"

Emily shook her head. "I know you don't believe that."

"You don't know anything." Paige shouted at her.

Emily raised her hands in peace. "I know what happened to you wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve any of that." She took a step forward. "I know what happened to Jeremy at the pond was an accident. There was nothing you could have done to help him."

"An accident?" Paige laughed bitterly. "There wasn't anything accidental about it."

Emily was confused. "What are you saying?"

Paige narrowed her eyes. "Jeremy killed himself in that pond." She smiled without a trace of humor. "Didn't you know? That's how he chose to end his pain."

Emily was shocked. "Why do you think that? I mean, he couldn't swim." She argued.

Paige just nodded slowly. "Yes, he could."

Emily covered her mouth with her hands not prepared to argue the point. Paige was so certain and maybe they could never know for sure. She tried to think how this changed things for Paige but she couldn't put all the pieces together fast enough. "Even if that were true it still doesn't make it your fault."

"Do you know how close I came to being him?" Paige looked at her expectantly but didn't wait for a reply. "How easy it would have been for me to make that same choice?"

Emily shook her head fiercely. "No, you are nothing like him. Do you hear me?"

Paige dropped her head back and stared up at the brightening sky letting out a long breath. "Do you want to know what Alison had over me?"

Emily had always wondered but never asked. She figured when Paige was ready she would tell her about it. Now, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear it. "Yes." She lied. "Tell me."


	10. Chapter 10

"Well, I'm sure you can guess it was about my being gay. She knew long before I was ever able to admit it to myself." Paige looked at Emily sideways as if something had just occurred to her. "She must have known about you, too, didn't she? Did she lord it over you? Taunt you with it? Use it to keep you in line?"

Emily felt the color drain from her face and felt like she had been punched in the gut. She had never heard it put quite so brutally but what Paige said was exactly true. She closed eyes and sucked in a breath.

"I thought so." Paige sneered. "Well, enough about you." She was feeling vicious now and wanted Emily to feel the sting of her words. She wanted her to feel sick and scared and understand what it had been like for her to suffer under Alison.

"So, this one day I get a letter in my locker. It's from you and I am absolutely blown away at what it says." Paige threw her arms out wide to visually express the importance of this letter. "And, yes, I know you didn't write it." She says in response to Emily's bewildered expression. "That's the best part, right. Alison wrote it to me on your stationery. Quite clever, really." Paige looked to a stunned Emily and shrugged continuing on. "I dreamed of getting this letter. I dreamed that you might actually feel about me the way I didn't even know I felt about you. This letter was pure teenage girl wet dream." She smirked at Emily's wince.

"It gets better." Paige was getting manic with the retelling of this story and Emily's visible discomfort only fueled her savagery. "So, in it Alison, playing the part of you, asked for a letter in return. Saying, of course that this has to be our secret, that your boyfriend can never know. Blah, blah, blah." Paige had started to pace up and down the small shoreline. "So I write it. I pour my little confused, hopeful, heartsick little soul into this letter." She paused in her pacing to check in with Emily who did, in fact, look sick and scared. "You can see where this is going, right?"

"Paige, please…" Emily tried to stop her. Her anger at Emily was agony. It seemed the more upset she became the more pleasure Paige took. Emily wanted to cover her ears and run away but she knew she couldn't. She had to stay and let Paige work through this.

"Oh no, wait for it." Paige talked over her. "So Alison being you, of course, designates a drop off location for this letter and is there to intercept when I show up. She had it planned to perfection. She opens it waves it around in front of me." Paige's face boils with rage. "She threatens to show my father!"

Emily takes a step toward her. "Paige, I'm so sorry-"

"Don't!" Paige screams. "Just stay where you are!" Paige circled around her toward the path, forcing Emily to move so she now had her back to the water, being careful to maintain her distance. "Do you have any idea what that did to me?"

Emily could only stand silently, tears streaming down her face, paralyzed with fear and sadness. She didn't know what to say or if she should say anything.

Paige stared hard at her for a few long moments before her face relaxed and she took a deep, shuddering breath and some internal gear shifted. "Dr. Sullivan was waiting for me at home yesterday evening after I left the pool. My parents arranged it." She shrugged dramatically. "Apparently, they want to help, too."

Emily summoned the courage to form words. "Did you speak with her?

Paige nodded. "Listened mostly. She talked to me about PTSD the causes and symptoms and treatments. She thinks what happened at the cabin as brought to the surface some unresolved issues with Alison." Paige laughed humorlessly. "You think?"

"Are you going to see her again?" Emily's voice trembled.

"You would like that wouldn't you?" Paige asked softly. "For everything to go back to normal? Be like it was for us? All unicorns and rainbows?"

Emily felt a flash of anger at that. "It's never been like that for us, Paige, and you know it. We've had to work damn hard for what we have. That's what makes us so special. This is no different." She said emphatically.

"Oh, but it is." Paige countered. "Dr. Sullivan asked me to pay attention to when I start feeling anxious, angry and panicked. She says I need to figure out what my triggers are." She gestured to the pond behind Emily. "That's why I came out here this morning. I thought, God forbid, it might be water."

Emily started to tremble afraid she knew where this conversation was headed.

"It's not water." Paige said. "It's you, Emily. You're my trigger." She looked away. "When I look at you now all I can see is Alison and all the pain she caused me. How broken, lost and scared I was for so long and I can't think straight. Then my thoughts turn to that night and I have, I don't know, flashbacks maybe. I think about Jeremy and what he did to me, what he did to you and I feel trapped and helpless all over again. I wonder if there was something I should have done differently and I can't breathe. It feels like there is a truck parked on my chest and my heart starts to race and there is this roaring in my ears." She gripped the side of her head and gritted her teeth.

Emily tried to speak around the unbearable tightness in her throat. "What are you saying?" She whispered.

Paige looked unbearably sad. "I'm saying…" Her voice started to break and she took a steadying breath. "...I can't be around you, Emily."

Emily choked back a sob. "For how long?" She managed.

Paige had started to cry now, too, as she backed up along the path back to the main trail. "I don't know." Her breath came in short gasps as she wrestled with her conflicting emotions. "You're right. I do want to get well and I do want things to go back to the way they were." She wiped tears from her face and sobbed placing a hand over her chest. "This is breaking my heart...I don't even have the words...but my mind…" She clapped her hands over her ears. '...is terrified of what that means and I just don't know if we can ever go back." She turned and jogged up the path leaving Emily in tears on the bank off the pond.


	11. Chapter 11

Emily's phone, zipped into the sleeve of her windbreaker, chirped another text alert. She didn't know how long she stayed on the bank of the pond but the sun was high enough to warm her back. It must be late morning.

Emily struggled to her feet, her legs having gone numb from having been folded under her for so long. After she could no longer hear Paige's footsteps on the trail she dropped to the ground where she stood, too stunned by Paige's words to even cry anymore. She remained that way for a long time.

She unzipped the pocket and pulled out her phone. There were eleven unread text messages from Hanna, Spencer and Aria. It was after 10:00 and they were worried about why she wasn't in school and frantic about why she wasn't answering her phone. She thought about sending them an SOS. She knew they would all ditch school in a heartbeat if she asked. She didn't want to ask that of them. She would need them, for sure, and she knew they would be there for her but, right now, there was someone else she needed to talk to. She sent them all a message letting them know she was okay and she would talk to them later.

* * *

"Emily!" Dr. Sullivan exclaimed answering the knock on her office door. "This is a surprise."

"Is it?" Emily asked sharply.

Anne Sullivan's face softened in sympathy. "I meant what I said the other night, Emily. I can't talk to you about Paige now."

"I'm not here to talk about Paige." She shot back. "This is about me and my whole world turning to shit overnight. First my swimming career, possibly my college future, now Paige..." She trailed off.

"You're angry." Dr. Sullivan commented.

"Your damn right I'm angry!" Emily crossed her arms. "What am I supposed to do now? Who picks up my pieces?"

Dr. Sullivan studied her for a moment then checked her watch. "I have some time before my next appointment. Let me buy you a cup of coffee and we can talk."

Emily clamped her jaw closed on whatever else she was going to say and nodded.

They settled in the familiar armchairs at the back of The Brew. Emily cupped her hands around her mug of coffee hanging her head down to take in the rich aroma. She could feel Dr. Sullivan studying her from a few feet away.

"I know this is hard, Emily." She began. "If you and Paige were family or even living together we could work on some joint sessions. I'm sure you would benefit from it as well. But, that's not the case and there are very clear limits on how I can talk to you about this."

Emily nodded. "I get that. I just don't know what to do now. I'm suppose to be able to be there for her and now what?" She gestured emphatically. "I pretend like we don't even know each other so my girlfriend doesn't lose her mind and go down the rabbit hole every time she looks at me?"

Dr. Sullivan frowned hard at Emily before understanding completely. She hadn't yet followed up with Paige after their conversation yesterday afternoon. They had an appointment today after school. Emily was one step ahead of her and as she took in the true meaning of her words she let out a long slow breath. "Oh, Emily, I'm sorry. I suspected but I have never hoped I was wrong more than I did about this."

Emily huffed a laugh. "Well, you weren't wrong. Paige can't even look at me without wanting to rip me apart, run away screaming or jump into oncoming traffic."

"That's not funny, Emily." Dr. Sullivan admonished.

"I know." Emily snapped. "I'm not joking." She looked away staring into her coffee for a moment. "I'm sorry. I'm just…" She trailed off.

"Hurt? Angry? Confused? Scared?" Dr. Sullivan supplied.

"Yes." She whispered.

"Have you talked to your friends?" Dr. Sullivan asked. "Told them what's happening? It's alright to lean on them, you know. You don't always have to be the strong one."

"Not yet." Emily answered. "I just found all of this out this morning. I haven't had a chance to talk to them yet."

Dr. Sullivan reached for her bag and pulled out a leather bound planner. She flipped through some pages and produced a photocopied pamphlet for Emily. "This is a list of support groups for friends and family of those suffering from mental illness. There is a meeting in Rosewood specifically focusing on PTSD. I recommend it to a lot of my patient's friends and families. I think you will find it helpful."

Emily looked skeptical but took the information. "Thanks."

"In the meantime." Dr. Sullivan added. "You should connect with your friends."

"Yeah, I will." Emily sighed. "It's too late to go to school now. I'll just wait-."

Emily was cut off as Hanna leapt on her, throwing her arms around her neck and squeezing fiercely.

"Em, where have you been? I was so worried about you." She hugged her for another minute before sitting back and punching her in her uninjured arm not waiting for an answer. "What the hell?" She barked. "Don't ever do that to us again!"

Dr. Sullivan rose to leave. "I'll leave you two alone." She placed a hand on Emily's shoulder. "Believe in her, Emily, and believe in yourself. It may not be the outcome you expect but have faith that things will work out."

Hanna flopped down in the now empty chair across from Emily. "What happened, Em?" She glanced at Emily's unfinished coffee and reached for it. "I mean where have you been? And what the hell happened to Paige?"

Emily's head snapped up. "What do you mean? What's wrong with her?"

Hanna grimaced at her sip of lukewarm coffee. "You mean besides the obvious?" She took another sip anyway. "She just showed up at school today like she didn't have a care in the world. Like the last few weeks have never happened. It was truly bizarro. Did you have anything to do with that?"

Emily shrugged. "I don't know. Sort of, I guess? It's complicated. She's not better, though, if that's what you're asking."

"Obviously. She's completely gone off the rails. Bouncing through the hall like that weird, preppy, phony Paige from a couple years ago. Flirting with all the underclassmen…." Hanna trailed off at the look on Emily's face. "Sorry…" Hanna looked sheepish. "It's still girls if that helps."

Emily sighed. "It's okay. She's got some stuff to work through and I can't be a part of it." Emily picked up the pamphlet Dr. Sullivan left for her and flipped it open finding what she was looking for. "How would you like to go to a support group meeting with me tonight?"

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you, Readers, Followers and Reviewers for your continued support. I'm in the home stretch here but I'm afraid you may find I complete this story before you have all your questions answered. I feel, having having completed it but doing final revisions before publishing, that I have said what I want to say and the thread has run it's course. Fear not, there are still several more chapters to go. I hope it satisfies to some extent.


	12. Chapter 12

Paige rubbed her sweaty palms across the knees of her jeans. She felt flushed and anxious as her gaze travelled around the room. The furniture was tasteful and simple. Diplomas were hung neatly on the wall. There was a wall of shelves filled with academic books interspersed with personal items and knick knacks probably souvenirs and gifts. The desk was neat and the furniture comfortable. It was designed to be relaxing though Paige felt anything but relaxed.

"There's no reason to be nervous, Paige." Dr. Sullivan began. "You're already here so the hard part is over." She encouraged

.

"Yeah, I know…" Paige rubbed harder at her hands and could feel a trickle of sweat down the back of her neck.

Dr. Sullivan walked to the small refrigerator under her desk and produced a cold bottle of water. "Drink this. Take a breath and we'll start slow, okay."

Paige opened the water with shaky hands. "Yeah, okay." She took a long drink followed by a deep breath. "I don't really know where to start."

"Why don't you start with why you're here." Dr. Sullivan prodded.

"My parents thought I should come." Paige answered.

smiled. "Yes, your parents think it's important for you to talk about what happened and how you've been feeling. But I want to hear from you in your words. What do you want to get out of this?" Dr. Sullivan leaned forward at the confused look on the Paige's face. "It helps, early on, if we set some goals. That way we have something to work toward that's achievable, tangible and measurable. Do you understand?"

Paige nodded and watched her hands as she fiddled with the bottle of water. She was quiet for a long time. " I don't want to feel like this anymore." She whispered.

"And how do you feel?" Dr. Sullivan asked.

"Scared and out of control, mostly." Paige thought for a moment. "Like all this stuff happens around me or to me and I can't do anything about it."

"You feel powerless." Dr. Sullivan offered.

"Yes." Paige agreed. She paused again for a long time. "I don't want to be the cause of so much worry anymore. I can't stand to see all these people looking at me like I'm this fragile freak that's just going to come apart any second."

"Okay, good." Dr. Sullivan was pleased she was opening up so early. "Anything else?"

"I just want things to go back to the way they were. I want to be happy again." Paige stated.

Dr. Sullivan considered this for a moment. "Honestly, Paige, after what you've experienced I don't know that your life can go back to the way it was. I don't think it should, in fact. But, I do believe, that with a little work, maybe a lot of work, you will be happy again."

Paige looked up her competitive fire flashing in her eyes. "I'm not afraid of hard work."

Dr. Sullivan smiled widely. "Good." She answered. "Why we don't we start from the beginning. Tell me about Alison DiLaurentis…."

* * *

Emily sat in the circle, Hanna next to her, on an uncomfortable folding metal chair in the basement of the church. She worked carefully to pick apart her styrofoam coffee cup dropping the shards inside the small stub she left intact. She wondered if she could get another cup but she had already had three. It was dark and bitter and making her jumpy. Jumpier than she already was.

There were about fifteen people there. Most of them seemed to know each other to some degree. They were older than she but some of them not by much. They went around and shared their stories throughout the night. Most of the group were friends or girlfriends of soldiers returning from deployment. There was one young woman whose boyfriend had been in a serious car accident with his family and his sister had been killed. There was a young man who was involved with a woman who had been sexually abused.

Emily tried to pay attention but her mind just couldn't stay focused. Hanna elbowed her in the ribs and she looked up startled.

"Emily?" The group leader called her name a second time. "Would you like to share why you're here?"

"Um…" Emily looked around the room at the expectant, kind and understanding faces. "Yeah...umm."

"Take your time." The woman added. "We were all new here once."

Emily felt Hanna grip her hand. She took a deep breath. "About a month ago you may have read in the paper about two girls who were kidnapped and held in a cabin up in Bayhead." She looked around the room. "I was one of those girls and my girlfriend, Paige, was the other…"

* * *

Dr. Sullivan let Paige tell her story without interrupting. It was uglier than she had expected. It was hardly surprising that Paige had some unresolved feelings about that time in her life that had been forced to the surface following her ordeal at the cabin. Paige came to the end of her story and punctuated it with a huge sigh.

"Have you ever told anyone all of this before today?" Dr. Sullivan asked.

"Emily knew." Paige shrugged. "Some of it. And then this morning…" She wondered if she looked as guilty as she felt. "...well, we ran into each other and I was so angry and I guess…". She trailed off.

"You guess what?" Dr. Sullivan wasn't going to let that thought go unfinished.

Paige's eyes got bright with unshed tears. "I wanted to hurt her. I told her about everything, about Alison, about the letter, and I did it in the most unkind way possible. I was so cruel...I don't know what came over me." Paige dropped her head into her hands and covered her face.

"Why do you think you wanted to hurt Emily?" Dr. Sullivan knew this was important. She didn't expect an opportunity to talk about this so soon but she wasn't going to let it slip by. When Paige didn't answer she reframed the question. "Do you blame Emily for what happened between you and Alison?"

Paige looked up startled. "Yes." She breathed. "But I don't know why. I know it doesn't make any sense and it's totally unfair... she has suffered so much, too. We were so young and Emily was battling her own demons and she didn't even know what was going on."

Dr. Sullivan was quiet for a long time. "Didn't Jeremy Mott blame you unfairly for his problems the same way you're blaming Emily?"

"What?" Paige sat up at her words.

Dr. Sullivan looked at the clock on the wall. "I know we've really covered a lot of ground today and you did really great, Paige, really great. I know this isn't easy. I have another appointment in a few minutes so we're going to have to pick this up next time. I'd like you to think about what we discussed today and come back and see me in a couple of days. Is that okay?"

Paige's head was spinning. "Um, yeah." She managed. "I can come back the day after tomorrow at the same time."

"Perfect." Dr. Sullivan guided her to the door. "Just take it easy, Paige, don't be so hard on yourself. I'll see you in a couple of days."


	13. Chapter 13

Days turned into more days which turned into a week then two. Emily was surprised, pleasantly and disappointedly at how easy it was to avoid seeing Paige at school. With her injury keeping her from the swim team and a semester with no classes together their paths rarely crossed. It was simple enough to avoid the usual lunch times and common areas and Emily did. She didn't want to make this harder on them than it already was. She kept attending the support group and took comfort in the fact that she wasn't alone in her hurt and frustration. Telling her story was cathartic and she recognized she had some healing to do as well.

She missed Paige beyond reason and, when her schedule allowed, would slip into the natatorium for home meets and quietly watch Paige compete. She wasn't winning and Emily knew how frustrating that must be for her but she looked stronger and she was smiling again.

Emily worked, every day, on taking care of herself. She wanted to be ready when Paige finally came back to her. She wanted to be healthy and centered and to be that she had to focus on herself and her future.

She picked up more shifts at work to keep busy, she started running regularly in the mornings and she threw herself into her studies. She still needed to think about what she was going to do after high school. The nights she had free she spent with the girls who went out of their way to do the things they knew she would enjoy.

Saturday morning Emily was wiping down tables after the morning rush. She wasn't originally scheduled for today but someone had called out and she had been happy to come in last minute. As she reached to straighten out the sweeteners at the back of the table a familiar voice made her jump.

"I was hoping I would find you here."

Emily whirled around, eyes wide in surprise. 'Zoe!" She broke into a huge grin and threw her arms around Zoe's neck. "Oh, my, God. How have you been?" She stood back to look at the woman who had been her supervisor in Haiti for Habitat for Humanity.

"Good. Really Good." Zoe smiled back and looked Emily over. Her smile faltered a little. "How are you doing?" She asked the question so earnestly Emily knew she must be aware, to some extent, of what had happened in her life. It had been in the papers after all.

Emily grimaced and blew out a breath. "Oh, God, nothing gets past you does it?"

"Seriously?" Zoe asked. "How could I not know. It was in the papers and while you suck at keeping in touch most of the rest of the team doesn't. It's all anyone was talking about for a long time."

Emily looked around the quiet shop. "Let me check and see if I can get out of here. I wasn't scheduled for today anyway. I'm just covering." She headed back to the counter. "I'll be back in a minute. Can I get you anything?" She asked over her shoulder.

"Black coffee. The darker the better, thanks." Zoe replied.

Emily returned a few minutes later with a couple of coffees and a huge smile. "Let's walk across the street. I could use some fresh air."

"Perfect." Zoe held the door for her.

They remained comfortably silent as they crossed into the small central park in downtown. "You know" Zoe broke the silence. "I wanted to come sooner. I just figured you had a lot going on and you needed some time."

"It's fine, Zoe, really. It was crazy for a while with the police and questions and just...it's been crazy." Emily finished.

"But you're okay, right?" Zoe studied her profile as they walked side by side.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Emily answered. "I mean except for the shoulder injury you already knew about, physically I'm doing great."

Zoe picked up on what Emily wasn't saying. "And the rest of it? The part that isn't physical?"

Emily nodded and smiled. "It's been difficult and complicated." She left it at that for now.

Zoe was silent again for a few steps. "Your girlfriend, Paige, right? Is she okay? I heard she was hurt pretty badly, that she almost died." Emily didn't respond immediately so Zoe continued on. "That must have been really awful for you."

"Yeah, it was." Emily stalled by taking a sip of coffee. "She's recovered from her injuries. She's swimming again. I think she's doing okay."

Again Zoe picked at the gaps. "You think?"

"We haven't spoken in a few weeks." Emily answered softly.

They were approaching a bench and Zoe pulled Emily down to sit beside her. " You broke up?" She asked shocked.

"Um,no." Emily answered. "This is the hard and complicated part, I guess."

"Do want to talk about it?" Zoe offered.

Emily shrugged. "She went through a lot. She's working through it all and she needs to do it without me for now. Her choice not mine. Well, it's not really her choice either. It just is, I guess."

Zoe didn't really understand but suspected that was all the information she was going to get right now. "I'm sorry, Emily.

Emily gave her head a shake and smiled at her. "So let's talk about you. Not that I'm not thrilled to see you but what are you doing here?"

"I'm glad you asked." Zoe's eyes sparkled. "I'm here for a few days at Hollis doing some Q and A panels recruiting for some upcoming trips."

"For the summer?" Emily asked.

"Yes, among others." Zoe continued. "That's why I came to see. To see how you were doing and let you know I put this last minute trip together for the one year anniversary of Hurricane Sandy. I'm taking a small group down to the Jersey Shore to do some clean-up and relief work."

"Sounds great." Emily said.

"I was hoping you would think so." Zoe continued. "I saved a spot for you. I was hoping you would come with us. I kind of thought maybe you could use some time away. And from what you told me it sounds like I was right."

"You want me to come? Really?" Emily looked away. Her mind spun. God, she would love to go. She found the work in Haiti so fulfilling. She made friends and got perspective. It was a great start to her healing from Maya's death. Maybe it's exactly what she needed now. To step away from her life here in Rosewood and from Paige. "When are you leaving?"

Zoe grinned like a fool. "We leave this Tuesday and return the Saturday after next." She saw Emily frown. "I know it sounds like a long time to be out of school but it's not like we're going on spring break." She argued. "We're doing really great work here and it looks great on your college apps."

"Zoe, you don't have to sell me on it." Emily smiled. "I was just wondering if this is a good time to leave right now. I mean with everything that's going on. And you didn't exactly give me much time to make arrangements"

"I know, and I'm sorry. It really all happened so fast and I was going to be here and I thought of you and I just wanted to see how you were. It sounds like getting away right now might be good for you." Zoe read the situation exactly right. "Maybe if you can't help Paige you could help some other people who really need it?"

Emily smiled. Zoe was right and she wanted to go. "Let me talk to my parents. I'll have to clear it with school and get the time off work. Can I meet you back at the Brew after my shift on Monday? I'll let you know for sure and you can give me all the details so my parents don't freak out"

"Whatever you need." Zoe rose to leave. "I have to get back for an afternoon discussion and slideshow. I'll see you in a few days. I really hope you can come."

Emily stood and hugged her. "Me too."


	14. Chapter 14

The last few weeks had been a blur. Paige continued to see Dr. Sullivan twice a week, occasionally three times depending on where she was, how she feeling and what kind of progress she was making. She had never worked so hard in her life.

It wasn't the kind of physically demanding, physically exhausting work she was accustomed to. It was uncomfortable, raw, frightening and challenging in ways she wasn't prepared for. She found she had to be honest with herself and get to know herself in ways she never thought possible.

She was feeling lighter now. The nightmares were few and far between. The panic attacks were seldom and she could think on what had happened with Alison with a clarity and peace she had never had before. They had moved on, in their sessions, to what had happened at the cabin. How it was all connected and coming to terms with Jeremy Mott's death.

Their last session had purely been an informative one for Dr. Sullivan. She wanted Paige to tell her in an as unattached way as possible what had happened to them in the cabin. Talking about this meant talking about Emily. Thinking about how she had been hurt and how scared Paige had been for her.

Paige had done a good job of pushing thoughts of Emily out of her mind. She had to in order to survive this and, if nothing else, she was a survivor. Now, her thoughts were on her constantly and she missed her terribly. She hadn't even seen her in days. Emily had done exactly as she asked and stayed away from her. She wanted to believe it was because Emily respected and loved her and was doing what she could to support her recovery and that Emily would wait for her for as long as it took..

This dark, fearful part of her thought, maybe, Emily was gone forever. Maybe Paige had hurt her too badly that morning by the pond. Maybe Emily thought she was more trouble than she was worth. She was ready to see her, wanted to desperately to see her and for Emily to see how well she was doing. She wanted to hold Emily and tell her she was sorry and thank her for saving her life.

Monday afternoon after school and Paige dropped into the chair in Dr. Sullivan's office feeling glum and she didn't need a therapist to tell her why.

"What's with the face?" Dr. Sullivan joked. "You know, Paige, I've never seen someone recover from the kind of trauma you have faced so quickly. Don't get me wrong. You still have a long way to go but you're very strong and your will to get well is incredible."

Last week Dr. Sullivan had compared her recovery, in graphic detail, to treating an infected, festering wound. The hard part was over she said. They had, painfully, dug up and cleaned out the dead, rotting parts letting the blood flow free and leaving fresh, clean tissue behind. Now there was still a lot of healing to do but, with proper care and treatment, the wound would close neatly. She would never be the same, though. There would always be a scar that sometimes might pull and ache but there was no reason she couldn't return to doing the things she loved and made her happy.

The thing she wanted to return to the most, the thing that made her most happy was Emily but she was afraid it was too late.

As usual Dr. Sullivan knew exactly what she thinking. "Paige, I have something for you to think about." She began. "It would make sense if, for the next few sessions, you wanted Emily to be here."

Paige looked up startled and opened her mouth to speak.

Dr. Sullivan held up a hand to stop her. "Before you say anything I need you to think about some things. Emily was there, too. She saw what happened in a way, maybe, you didn't. From what you told me last time, as well, there are parts of what happened, when you were drugged, that you don't remember. She can help fill in those gaps for you so you can know for sure."

"Yeah, I know but…" Paige started to half-heartedly protest.

"Also,' Dr. Sullivan went on. "She didn't escape unscathed in all of this. She was hurt and she watched you almost die among other things, She's been hurting, too, and this might be a good place for the two of you to talk about what happened and how you've been feeling. I know you've been thinking about her. Don't even try to tell me I'm wrong." She finished her eyes daring Paige to contradict her.

Paige nodded slowly. "You're right and I want to…" She struggled. "...I'm just afraid."

"Paige" Dr. Sullivan stated. "You are one of the bravest people I've ever met. And you should know by now Emily would do anything for you." She looked hard at her. "Ask her. She'll come."

"Okay." Paige said. "I will."

Paige left Dr. Sullivan's office with the determination to take the first step. It had to be her. She was the one who had told Emily to back off so only she could undo it. Emily just has to want to and Paige had to believe that was true. Emily had wanted to help her, had wanted to her to get help and, at no small cost to her own piece of mind, had stepped aside to let Paige heal the way she needed.

* * *

Paige cut through the park, her eyes fixed on the door of the The Brew the whole way. She concentrated on her breathing. She was nervous and excited and couldn't stop her hands from shaking. Paige was still across the street when the front door burst open and Emily bounced out right into the arms of a red-headed woman standing on the sidewalk. Paige couldn't hear them but she could tell Emily was talking a hundred miles a minute. The woman, who Paige was sure she had never met though she looked familiar, hugged Emily back and beamed.

Paige stood frozen seeing Emily again, seeing her happy and seeing her with another woman. Her heart sank and her throat closed. Tears started behind her eyes. She turned away and headed back across the park


	15. Chapter 15

Emily, somehow, had managed to express her need to go on this trip to everyone, her parents, the school, her boss, in such a way that they couldn't help but agree. Maybe because they were all still a little careful around her after what happened. Maybe because she had been so down lately over what was going on with Paige. Maybe because they hadn't seen her so excited about something in a long time. Whatever the reason she was grateful and as threw the last of what she thought she would need into her duffel Monday night she felt alive and hopeful like she hadn't since before everything had happened.

Her only reservation was leaving Paige here without knowing where she went. It wasn't going to be for long, less than two weeks, but what if something happened? What if Paige needed her. As her thoughts turned to Paige they, invariably, turned to the last time they spoke. The morning on the bank of the reservoir when Paige had unleashed her fury over Alison on her. Her heartbreak and anger weighed heavily on Emily and she wished, more than anything, she could tell Paige how she felt. That she would be there for her. That she would wait for her however long it took.

Emily sat up straight an idea in her mind. She rummaged frantically through her desk drawer until she found what she was looking for. She stuffed the pages into her bag. Everything was going to be alright. She was sure of it.

* * *

Paige lay awake in bed for hours thinking about Emily. Doubt and regret filling her mind and her heart. She was so afraid she had lost her. She replayed today over in her mind and she got angry all over again. Not like this. They had come too far and once upon a time she had sat across from Emily at the masquerade dance and told her she wished she had fought harder for her. She wasn't going to make that mistake again. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

Hanna turned from her locker at the sound of her name, her eyes going wide in surprise. "Paige!" She exclaimed. "Are you okay?" Along with not talking to or seeing Emily went the rest of them. Hanna hadn't spoken to Paige in weeks though they saw each other in class they never spoke and Hanna made sure to keep her distance at Emily's request.

"Hey, Hanna." Paige offered tentatively. "Yeah, I'm okay. Good actually." Paige smiled. Talking to Hanna made her feel one step closer to making this right. "How have you been?"

"I'm good." Hanna eyed her worriedly and waited for she knew what was about to happen. This was the first time Paige had made an effort to connect and she cursed the Gods that made her have to be the one to tell Paige about Emily.

Paige shuffled her feet and looked down. "I really need to talk to Emily. Have you seen her?" She asked.

Hanna gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. When Emily told them that she was planning to go away Hanna had been the most vocal about thinking it was a great idea. She agreed that Emily should get out of town for a while and do something that made her happy. How did that saying go...no good deed goes unpunished.

Paige saw the look on Hanna's face. "What?" She asked. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

Just like ripping off a bandaid Hanna thought. "Emily left this morning to the Jersey Shore with that Habitat group she's always talking about." She blurted.

Paige stared at her. That's where she recognized that woman from. Emily's pictures from her trip to Haiti. It was Zoe, Emily's supervisor from the summer. Her heart sank. "For how long?" She asked.

"I'm not sure." Hanna replied. "A couple of weeks, maybe?"

Paige tried to harden her heart and not show how devastated she was. She had been right the first time. She had lost her. "Okay, well, we haven't seen each other in so long what's a couple more weeks right?" She started to turn away. "I'll just catch up with her when she gets back sometime."

"Paige, wait." Hanna wasn't fooled for a second and reached for Paige's arm to stop her. 'I know what you're thinking and you couldn't be more wrong." Hanna didn't let her speak but barreled on. "Emily hasn't given up on you."

"If you say so." She answered bitterly.

Hanna scowled at her. "That's not fair and you know it. This had been hell on her, too. Do you know why you haven't seen her for weeks? How it was so easy for her to avoid you?" As much as Hanna cared for Paige she was insanely protective of Emily and couldn't help speaking sharply.

Paige couldn't help but feel admonished. "I don't understand…" She began.

"Because she made a point to always know where you were and where you were going to be. She watched you but kept her distance, letting you have your space, because she couldn't bear the thought of causing you anymore pain." Hanna's face softened when she saw Paige getting agitated. "You know she even went to see you race at your home meets?"

Paige felt terrible but her doubts still lingered. "I'm sorry...I… I didn't know." She stammered.

"Well, that was the idea." Hanna smiled. "Look, Emily just needed a change of scenery for a few days. It will go by fast, you'll see." She gripped Paige's arm and started walking them down the hallway. "When she comes back you can tell her all the things I know she's been waiting to hear. She's going to be so excited to talk to you." Hanna gave her a wink. "Among other things."

Hanna stopped them outside her first class. "In the meantime, the rest of us aren't chopped liver you know." She smiled. "Why don't you join us for lunch and we can catch you up on the happenings of the craziest, coolest gals in Rosewood?"

"I'd like that." Paige answered honestly.


	16. Chapter 16

_Dear Paige,_

_I know this letter can't ever make up for the other but I'd like to try if you'll let me. I hope it's not too late._

_You were right when you said I wanted things to go back to the way they were. Can you blame me? Being with you has been the best thing in my life. No matter what, when I'm with you, I feel so full of hope and possibility. How could I give that up?_

_I understand now that we can't go back to the way we were. Too much has happened and we're not those people anymore. What we can do is move forward. Get to know each other again, in all ways. I don't want just the past Paige I want you. All of you. Your past, your present and, more than anything, to be a part of your future._

_Staying away from you has been the hardest thing I've ever done but I understand and I'm not angry. I want, always, what is best for you and if that's not me right now then I will make my peace with that. I will be here when you are ready._

_My Love Always,_

_Emily_

Paige read the letter again, her eyes filling with tears. It came a week after Emily left. She recognized the handwriting and when she saw the familiar stationery her breath caught.

She had heard Hanna's words and wanted to believe her. It was hard. She joined the girls for lunch when she could and if felt good to catch up with them again. And though Emily wasn't there being around her friends helped her feel close and connected to her in a way she hadn't in a long time.

Nevertheless, as the days passed by, her fears and doubts were always there, not far from the surface. Emily was returning sometime this weekend and she couldn't wait. She read the letter again full of all the hope and possibility a life with Emily promised. Emily was counting on her and she wasn't going to let her down.

* * *

Emily got back late Saturday night. Too late to catch up with anyone and too late to talk to Paige. And besides she was totally beat. The work they accomplished, though not much in the grand scheme of things, had been as rewarding as she had hoped. People still suffering a year after the hurricane ravaged their homes and their lives were so grateful for the help.

It did help to take her mind off her troubles and to put things into perspective. The hardships and loss that many of these people had faced and the resolve with which they fought on was nothing short of incredible. Emily fell into bed exhausted and fulfilled.

* * *

Emily hit the trail just after the sun rose Sunday morning. She wanted to hold onto her peace for as long as possible and thought, a long run would keep the world as bay for a little while longer. She set her earbuds in and turned on her iPod. She took off down the trail and a blistering pace.

Paige stood, again, on the bank of the small pond. She selected the perfect stone and skipped it, satisfyingly, all the way to the other side. Emily should be back and she could barely contain her excitement but she wanted to wait and let her settle back home. Hanna had been right. The time had passed swiftly. It was the last few hours that seemed interminable.

She shifted her weight to pick up another couple of stones and head the soft crinkle of paper in her back pocket. She had been carrying the letter with her everywhere. Not ashamed to take it out and read it when she was feeling uncertain and uneasy. She smiled to herself as she rolled Emily's words over in her mind. She had long since memorized it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the pounding crunch of running footsteps on the trail above her. The brush was too dense to see who was coming but her heart skipped a beat and she knew who it was. She let the stones drop to the ground and leapt up the path from the pond and burst onto the trail.

Emily had already blown by the path and was well on her way to the next bend in the trail. She was moving fast and didn't hear Paige come out behind her on the trail.

"Emily!" Paige yelled and jogged after her. She was grinning like a fool and had visions of Emily, upon seeing her, running back and leaping into her embrace. "Emily!" She yelled again louder.

There was a break in the music just as a voice shouted her name from behind her. Emily, startled, tried to look behind her but, no longer watching the trail, her foot jammed down on a rock, turning her ankle. She felt a streaking pain up her leg and tried to get her hands out in front of her before she went down.

Paige's smile quickly turned to alarm as she saw Emily try to turn back mid stride and her leg buckled under her. She went down hard on the trail gripping her leg in a scream of pain. Paige raced to her side and skidded to her knees beside her. Emily was clutching her leg and panting for breath.

"Emily." She gasped out. "I'm so sorry." She placed her hands on her shoulders. The first time they had touched in over a month. "Try to relax."

Emily's eyes were shut tightly and she was breathing through gritted teeth. Paige's voice and her hands on her cut through the pain in her ankle and her world stopped.

"Paige?" She breathed.

"I'm here." Paige answered. And looked into Emily's eyes. "I'm here."

Emily gripped Paige and dragged her down into a hug so tight Paige's ribs twinged in protest. She didn't care and hoped Emily would never let go.

Finally Paige pulled away and looked Emily over. "Are you okay? Do you think you can walk?"

"Yeah." She managed. Emily struggled to to stand, with Paige's help, onto her good leg. She gingerly placed her other foot in front of her and winced, hissing in a breath. Paige's arm shot out around her waist to steady her.

She took Emily's arm and placed it across her shoulders and returned an arm around her waist gripping her tightly. "Here, lean on me. I'll help you."

* * *

Paige waited for Emily in the ED. It was barely 8:00 am and Emily had been seen right away. Not too many emergencies in Rosewood at this hour Sunday morning. She stood staring out the window overlooking the parking lot and wondering if their reunion could have possibly gone any worse. She had hoped for the rainbows and unicorns and was in the hospital waiting room instead.

"That's just great." She muttered to herself shaking her head.

"Are you here with Emily Fields?" A voice asked from behind her.

"Yes." Paige whirled to face a young nurse. "Is she okay?"

"You can come back with me." The young woman turned back to the curtained areas with Paige following closely behind.

She pulled aside a curtain to reveal Emily reclining on a bed her left foot in a walking cast extending to the middle of her calf and elevated on a pile of pillows. Emily, droopy eyed, saw Paige and gave her a lopsided smile.

"It's not broken but it's pretty badly sprained. She's going to have to keep the cast on for at least four weeks. We gave her something for the pain so…" The nurse smiled. "...take anything she says for the next few hours with a grain of salt. I'm just finishing up her paperwork and a prescription. I'll be back with a wheelchair in a bit and you can take her home."

"Thanks." Paige said never taking her eyes off Emily.

"There goes my swimming career. " Emily slurred at her. "Oh, no...wait." She joked.

Paige smiled but didn't see much humor in being in the hospital again. "Have you ever thought about how many times we've had to visit each other in the hospital or over an injury?" She posed.

Emily frowned and took her quite literally. "No, how many?" She asked.

Paige crossed the room and perched on the edge of the bed being careful not to jostle her leg. "Too many. The point is we should really try to spend less time here."

Emily rolled her head slowly from side to side. "No way…" She blinked slowly and smiled goofily at Paige. "...we should come more often...the party favors are amazing."

Paige couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, my God. What did they give you?"

"I don't know…" Emily giggled. "But...it's dreamy." Her eyes drifted closed.

Paige wanted to talk with her so badly but she would have to wait a little longer. She would have to be content, at least for now, with just being with her. She let her hand trail down the side of Emily's face brushing her dishevelled hair behind her ear.

"Mmmm…" Emily's eyes opened again, glassy and unfocused. "I missed you so much." She whispered.

Paige picked up her hand and held it to her lips. "I missed you, too."

"Where have you been?" Emily frowned at her.

The question seemed confused but the intent behind it was clear. "It's a long story but I'm here now." Paige kissed the palm of her hand.

"Please, don't leave me." Emily whispered her eyes focusing for a moment on Paige's face.

Paige allowed the tears she had been holding at bay to fall. "Never again." She breathed.

* * *

Paige and Emily sat together in Dr. Sullivan's office their hands intertwined, waiting for her to walk someone out.

Dr. Sullivan came back closing the door softly behind her. She turned and smiled warmly at the girls. "I can't tell you how happy I am to see you both here and looking so well." She scowled at Emily's cast which she had refrained from commenting on until now. "Except for that. What happened?"

Paige and Emily shared a glance. Paige looked embarrassed and Emily amused. "Our reunion was…" Emily began.

"Disastrous." Paige interjected.

"Unexpected". Emily finished simultaneously. Emily looked at Paige and raised their clasped hands to brush a soft kiss on her fingers. "Worth it." She added with a smile that held only promise and possibility.

* * *

Author's Note: There ends the story. I'm considering another installment. Emily and Paige have been through a lot and deserve some feel-good time and Paige needs an opportunity to show off her new improved self. I'll think on it and get back to you... Thanks for reading.


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